Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Men and causality...

No I don't mean casual, I mean causal. On another blog (the big girl blog to be exact) a question was thrown out about what we do about men who send us ... Well what I describe as "dick pics"...

I know you know what I mean now. Before that post I thought I was attracting some kind of deviant and didn't know what to do to exorcise them.

But I'm suddenly hit with some understanding. Now... If you like dick pics - good for you. To me - there is nothing attractive about them. At all.

Its actually all about respect. This is a classic and quite disrespectful way that a man who is after sex will "test" the water with you.

Before you flip out at the guy - remember what I said about being impeccable with your word. (Lol) Him sending you the pic just means he's an unsuitable "person" (you may want to insert insult or animal names there hence inverted commas) and it is NOTHING to do with you.

They are testing the sexuality and the casuality of your "relationship" they want to see if you're "down" ... And interested by the picture (often taken at a very effective angle) and therefore what the items in the picture could offer.

But my point in this post is that casual sex does not have to be disrespectful either. Its taken me a long time - a bit of testing and a few books to realise that it doesn't have to be a proper relationship for you to demand respect.

"..." A fellow fluffy sister confesses in her book "Outdated: why Dating is ruining your love life" that she too tried to date casually, and get that casual booty. However - men will sometimes take the "casual" nature of the relationship as a ticket to check their Ps and Qs at the door. To wield some privilege over the lady, acting overly detached ... That being open to casual sex meant they could be "mean" because you're open to everything ... Right?

There's a culture dragon to be slayed here, (as ... Correctly addresses in her book) casual sex brings with it "assumptions about what is acceptable behaviour".

There's one thing we can do. We don't have it. Just have nothing to do with these men. End of. Cut them off as soon as they expose the willy... I don't care how sexy he is - he's a d*ck head. Literally.

And another thing - men often take ques from us about our boundaries and the level of respect that we command. A man will continue to feel around your boundaries as he gets to know you. To see what behaviour you'll have and what you'll shun. For example if he's a drunk your first dates will be preluded by alcohol - and you'll complain about it later... Because you'll work out he's a drunk - when in fact he showed you that on date 1 (and you allowed it!).

He'll test you, offer you things... Bring up topics... He'll see what bait gets you giggling and makes you tick.

I'm not shouting "on guard" here - but remember its not about you (what he's doing) he's working out how good you will be for HIM. And what role you will play in HIS life be it casual or otherwise.

Have sex with people as soon as you feel comfortable (but admit to yourself that, that might take time) - why?- because it bares no relevance to whether the rest of your relationship will last, communication does though.

So my advice, have casual sex ONLY with men who have some damn respect. And also... You didn't cause the dick pic, but as soon as you get one - Cut it off :-) (unless of course you like them).

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