Do I know too well what I'm looking for?!

Theres a girl who started a facebook group to promote Caribbean networking- which is like caribbean heritage people dating. Right anyway, we waited ages for an event to come up and one did come up.

So its comedy and canapes and then a club style thing.

Anyway its £15 and in Fulham.

So now I feel like its too expensive and also far away. (I'm a south Londoner)

On top of that there's nothing to make it equal numbers of men and women and I just get the feeling (as this happens with normal singles events) that its going to be lady heavy.

So let me explain why its even worse - 50% of west indian men date outside their race anyway - and then some of whats left is gay, incarcerated or unemployed - it doesnt leave alot of men left esp if we then cut out all the ones who arent the above... then there will need to be something MAJOR that makes it equal.

I decided I'm not going to the event - but its funny - I've read lots of books which explain to me why I'm single - and I do get scared if I'm honest because the people that think I'm amazing only know so because they know me... I dont know where to go to meet people etc.

Friends tell me that they meet partners at work / uni, through friends or networking  - I work at a mainly female / gay establishment and sector... the odds are out!

What do you think?

UPDATE: YA SEE THIS?!

Ask men out!

Look in to my eyes sugar .... ;-)

I've been readin a lot of books, attending a couple seminars - I've dabbled in theorism too (yea I'm born activist baby).

As I'm single a few have been about "dating" - now I've come to the conclusion... (And I love to present my ideas "scientifically" so watch for the quotes and references) that we ... Ladies... Should approach the men we want...
Why?! I hear you cry... Well I'm about to give you 3 tips for this little action point.

1. Be impeccable with your word - I'll delve further into what this means in another post, but you know how gooood it feels to be complimented... Do that for men and watch the reaction! They are incredibly grateful. And its very worth it...(Not many women or parents do this - and if it does inflate their heads you know to run for the hills early). Make the compliment something of substance and non sexual  "That is a really nice jumper :D" (taste compliment), "you've got such deep eyes" (eyeballs aren't sexy)
2. Men appreciate more than just a subtle sign - I didn't say go out select (your man) and eat (him for)  breakfast... I said... Feel free to talk to them first... If you're any where near as confident and independent as you seem - they'll be lost for the correct way to approach you. Many very good men are just too scared to approach such hot tamale.
3. Ask him for a favour - now I'm playing devils advocate by playing both the feminist and chivalry field here (chivalry should be dead - my sex is not for sale) but according to a man, men like "saving" us... Now ... Think simple... Think "can you do me a massive favour... just hold this for me for a second" ok so studies have proven that we like people we do favours for ... So then after you take back whatever you've an excuse to keep him talking... "So how's your night anyway?" "Who are you here with hope I haven't kept you too long" or even braver "ok, now, would you like a drink for your valiant contribution to my life?"...

Let me know how it goes ladies ;-) xxxx

Men and causality...

No I don't mean casual, I mean causal. On another blog (the big girl blog to be exact) a question was thrown out about what we do about men who send us ... Well what I describe as "dick pics"...

I know you know what I mean now. Before that post I thought I was attracting some kind of deviant and didn't know what to do to exorcise them.

But I'm suddenly hit with some understanding. Now... If you like dick pics - good for you. To me - there is nothing attractive about them. At all.

Its actually all about respect. This is a classic and quite disrespectful way that a man who is after sex will "test" the water with you.

Before you flip out at the guy - remember what I said about being impeccable with your word. (Lol) Him sending you the pic just means he's an unsuitable "person" (you may want to insert insult or animal names there hence inverted commas) and it is NOTHING to do with you.

They are testing the sexuality and the casuality of your "relationship" they want to see if you're "down" ... And interested by the picture (often taken at a very effective angle) and therefore what the items in the picture could offer.

But my point in this post is that casual sex does not have to be disrespectful either. Its taken me a long time - a bit of testing and a few books to realise that it doesn't have to be a proper relationship for you to demand respect.

"..." A fellow fluffy sister confesses in her book "Outdated: why Dating is ruining your love life" that she too tried to date casually, and get that casual booty. However - men will sometimes take the "casual" nature of the relationship as a ticket to check their Ps and Qs at the door. To wield some privilege over the lady, acting overly detached ... That being open to casual sex meant they could be "mean" because you're open to everything ... Right?

There's a culture dragon to be slayed here, (as ... Correctly addresses in her book) casual sex brings with it "assumptions about what is acceptable behaviour".

There's one thing we can do. We don't have it. Just have nothing to do with these men. End of. Cut them off as soon as they expose the willy... I don't care how sexy he is - he's a d*ck head. Literally.

And another thing - men often take ques from us about our boundaries and the level of respect that we command. A man will continue to feel around your boundaries as he gets to know you. To see what behaviour you'll have and what you'll shun. For example if he's a drunk your first dates will be preluded by alcohol - and you'll complain about it later... Because you'll work out he's a drunk - when in fact he showed you that on date 1 (and you allowed it!).

He'll test you, offer you things... Bring up topics... He'll see what bait gets you giggling and makes you tick.

I'm not shouting "on guard" here - but remember its not about you (what he's doing) he's working out how good you will be for HIM. And what role you will play in HIS life be it casual or otherwise.

Have sex with people as soon as you feel comfortable (but admit to yourself that, that might take time) - why?- because it bares no relevance to whether the rest of your relationship will last, communication does though.

So my advice, have casual sex ONLY with men who have some damn respect. And also... You didn't cause the dick pic, but as soon as you get one - Cut it off :-) (unless of course you like them).

Is he really what you want?

My personal... "guy" ... *swooooooon*

Why all these dating posts I hear you cry... Because its a fluffy feminist issue I reply...

So we're discussing the "guy" ... You know the cute one whose very presence causes you to blush uncontrollably...

Yes that one - are you sure he's what you want? YES? Does he even have a job? You don't know? Oh because you've never spoken to him...

Enough assumptions about the sexy guy already... Find out if he's what you want. Talk with him. "Date" him... Find out if he ticks the other 9 things on your list. In stead of making up the other 90% and living in fantasy land.

He'll be asking you questions to work out if you are worthy of his companionship (or other -_-). His questions are about him and his motives.

Remember too that you are NOT for sale, so do not advertise yourself (or a relationship with you). Be classy and reflect your best self in your dress.

Why not advertise? Because you don't know that he ticks your boxes yet. (But I do?) Well if he doesn't know what he wants to do, leave him to decide. (Don't hedge your bets, don't do anything you'll regret later if it doesn't work out)

Don't push the issue, don't *make* time for him. Maintain the life you have beside him. And don't advertise - you don't need to, your life and excitement is its own selling point ;)

But all this means that you can call him when you wanna and text him and even make the effort to meet up.

There's no rush..absolutely none... Happy Dating.