Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Love Letters to my Body: What have I done for you lately?

I love my body. That is an affirmation I say to myself a minimum of 10 times a day. However, I look in the mirror and I wonder sometimes, what if? What if I didn't have this extra round tummy? What if I didn't have these extra-large breasts? What if I were smaller? Those are the questions that often come to my mind and I do my best to not have them be demeaning or hurtful, but my self-worth depreciates the more I tell my body that in its present state, it isn't good enough and if I trade it in for a new model, a better model, life would seemingly be better.

As I milled over what my weekly blog would be about--I thought about how many times I didn't show my body the love that it ultimately deserves. I decided that I wanted to spend some time writing "Love Letters to my Body" and I want to reflect on the moments that make me laugh, cry, and sometimes--Jump for Joy! I hope that you will enjoy this journey with me, as this journey of self-discovery is a Ha! This week's letter is to my entire body.

Dear Body,

I really can't stand the struggles that we go through. I remember being young and having these same frustrations yet, I vowed to love you anyway and to construct attire that made you feel wonderful. However, I have grown complacent in celebrating the essence of you. Leaving you feeling like a forgotten lover that wasn't any good (you know, the lovers you choose to forget).

When I became a professional, I forgot about some of the pride and joy I took in getting dressed every morning; my love of color, vibrant beauty and my manipulation of clothing--I simply lost my creative . Now, I am on this quest to truly reclaim my love affair with you. I no longer want to hurt you any longer. I just want to be your  lovah (in my best Prince voice).

I recently looked at you in the mirror and thought about how I didn't like you--how I would trade you in for a sleeker model at any moment--yet, I am sitting here composing this love letter to you. Somewhere in the mainframe that is my mind, I realize that I need to celebrate you--appreciate you beyond measure and that meant composing this first letter to you; the complete you!

Recently, I found an old photograph of myself and for the life of me I am unsure as to why I don't currently think about you the way I did previously. I distinctly remember buying this "I love my body" shirt a few days before the Vagina Monologues and it didn't come in my size--so, I cut it up and added rhinestones to it and wore a matching shirt underneath. I took pictures with my friends--as they had done the exact same process. I am not sure if they did it to be supportive, but it was truly appreciated.

Nonetheless, I wore the shirt with pride and felt good about myself that evening. I felt light and airy about life and beauty. During that time, I was a Women and Gender Studies major and fundamentally believed that the social construction of beauty did not define who I was as an individual. I wanted to defy those norms and embrace the core of who I was as a woman--I was so young and idealistic. However, I became a worker bee and forgot that my internal and external need to be on the same accord. I became so focused on earning a living and paying bills that I forgot about my spirit and my love for my body.
now something in me wants to reignite that spark I had during that season of my life. Those moments when I reveled in the essence of my body. I guess I must go through a 12 step program in order to learn to love you again. I am ready for the challenge.

Next post:

Step 1: Learning to love those hips :-)

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