When All Else Fails, Do You!!!

 
I can't tell you how many years I spent trying to make people like me.  I allowed myself to become extremely agreeable, funny, and nice for fear that the real me would cause them to run away.  I honestly believed that there was something wrong with me.

It's funny, when I turned 33, I decided that it was best to just be me.  I looked in the mirror and made a commitment to be true to myself.  I actually liked what I saw in my reflection.  I decided that I would no longer wear a mask or be the way people expected me to be.  I became comfortable in my own skin.  I learned that there was nothing wrong with being myself and whoever did not like me as I was was not meant to be in my life.

I can't tell you how ultimately freeing it was to just be myself.  To love myself without abandon.  To accept the things that are just "me."  At first, it was strange feeling this way.  Now, it is second nature.

When all else fails, do you.  What does that mean?  It means being true to yourself and accepting yourself as you are and not how you wish to be.  It means being present and not stuck in the past or the future.  Being one with who you are is a gift that most people never truly get. 

Does the plus industry want too much?

I'm sure you've heard it. We always seem to be ranting or raving over some designer that doesn't make clothes in our size, some model that has lost too much weight, or how a plus designer doesn't use plus models that are "big enough". It's as if we want the fashion industry to become this utopian society that it will just never be, it's fashion.

I get it, we don't have to accept certain things from fashion and we should definitely fight for the mainstream market to be inclusive of all shapes and sizes. We also don't want our children growing up with negative body images.

But am I the only one that's noticing that we are getting a bit whiny? We are becoming that stereotypical "angry fat woman" that's mad at the world over everything. If a designer doesn't carry over a size 10 we are PISSED and we're writing about it in the attempt to cause an uproar. Never mind the fact, that we now have some absolutely amazing designers and boutiques that don't supply or carry clothing below a size 12. I've had my smaller friends want an outfit or item that I'm wearing and I've had to break the bad news to them and tell them that it's made by a plus size designer.

I strongly believe that if we continue the rants and rampages we are going to be easily ignored and written off by most designers. I don't think that a full on attack is going to make anyone want to use the extra fabric to create clothing for us, especially designers that are already filthy rich. Furthermore, do we really want to wear a designer's clothes that doesn't want us in them? I don't.


Yes we matter but there are other size populations that matter also. The whole point is body acceptance, and hopefully we can become more accepting as well.

What are your thoughts on the topic?

Loving Your Star Player...

 
After years of disliking myself, I made a promise to myself as I turned 33 to live my life differently.  I was determined to love the person who was staring back at me in the mirror everyday.  As the days go by, I love me more and more.

Wouldn’t you know that as I put more love into myself, more love came my way.  After years of chasing a man who could have cared less, another man entered my life saying  that he liked me as is.  Did you hear me?  As is!!!  Although I am cautiously optimistic, I feel peaceful knowing no matter what happens, I will be fine.  I am going to keep loving myself regardless.

I have been wanting to write this post for a while because I feel like most people walk around everyday hating themselves.  They pick at every little thing they think is wrong with them and show themselves no love.   As a consequence, they are short tempered with everyone else and are pretty difficult to deal with all the time.

But loving yourself doesn’t have to be hard or fake.  It just is.  It’s about appreciating yourself for who you are, what you bring to the table, and letting your light shine.  It’s about being real with who you are and loving yourself no matter what you do.

When you love yourself, you will no longer stand for people treating you with anything less than respect.  You will not tolerate pettiness, mistreatment or abuse.  When you love yourself, you signal to others how to treat you.

I am a living witness to the power of self-love.  People actually treat me better today than they have at any other period in my life.  Loving myself allows others to love me as I am.  I am still a BIG Girl in the City and I am standing tall and looking good.

I challenge you to fall in love with yourself in 2012.  You too will see that loving yourself has beautiful effects!!!

Live Your Life...On Your Terms...

Are you happy with the life you are living?  If not, you can change it!!!  Really, you can.

I used to be the most unhappy attorney.  I spent years going to school, preparing to be an attorney.  After 7 years, I actually attained that dream but it did not live up to the hype.  I spent time working in firms where it was apparent that as a black woman, I was never going to get ahead.  I was never treated right and I went from job to job hating every experience.

So what did I do?  I just changed my perspective.  Since being a lawyer wasn't working for me, I decided to start my own business.  Was it hard?  Yes, but so rewarding.  I don't wake up upset I have to go to a 9-5 with people I do not like.  I don't have to hate my life and only live for the weekends.  What kind of life is that anyway?  And you know what?  People respect people who live life on their terms.  I had to stop defending my decision to life life outrageously and just live my life.

Slowly but surely, things began to work out.  I realized who my friends and family really were.  I gained strength from realizing my true priorities.  I developed a thick skin.  And I only surrounded myself with positive people.

What about you?  What can you change?  In a bad relationship?  Know that you can do better.  Living in a one-sided fantasy?  Know that it cannot compare to a real, happy relationship.  Not happy with yourself or your surroundings?  Know that you can change that?  Friends not supporting you?  Get rid of them and start afresh.

Happiness really is a choice.  You can change any situation by changing your perspective.  You want to make a changes in your life?  You can change any and everything in your life.  Let nothing stop you from doing what you need to do.  Live your life...on your terms.

R.I.P Whitney Houston 1963-2012

The world has once again been shocked by the devastating loss of one of the brightest and most talented stars to ever shine. Whitney Houston has passed away at the young age of 48. In 1985 she released her first album and it solidified her as a star. Whitney was to the world then what Beyonce is to my generation now; but we will never forget the legacy and impact of those who came first, the ones who paved the way. The media, the world everyone is focusing on her troubled times, the drug abuse and the downfall. Whitney was more than that. She was a mother a daughter she was a wife, she was an inspiration and a rare and beautiful jewel. Especially in black history month we need to focus on the positive things that cement her name in history. It was her voice, her spirit and her God given talent that will allow her music to live on. R.I.P Whitney no matter the path your journey lead you too, your footprints are solid, the world knows that you have been here and we will never forget you.

Standing Tall, Looking Good!!!

 
Being a Big Girl in the City is all about having a positive attitude.  We have an approach to life that captivates the world and always keeps them guessing.  A Big Girl never settles for being average, random or ordinary.

I created my business, Curvy Girlz Lingerie, LLC because I was tired of not being able to find pretty lingerie in my size.  I wanted my man to see me in a sexy light and wasn't able to find intimate apparel that expressed my sensuality.  Instead of just talking about it, I decided to do something about it.  That  is what Big Girls do, they make things happen!!!

When it came to my weight, I made no apologies for being a size 22.  I did not ask to be accepted by society.  I just made a way by being myself.  That is what Big Girls do, they know their worth!!!

As a Big Girl, I encourage other Big Girls' to embrace who they are in all that they do. After all, we are the majority, they are not.  That's what Big Girls do, they love themselves completely!!!

We are seductive, sexy, talented divas.  We make mens' hearts melt with every sway of our hips.  Our very nature is inviting and at times...intoxicating.  We are who we are and that is beautiful.

Never forget who you are.  You are deserving of love, honor and respect.  Hold your head high for you are a Big Girl in the City!!!

Its Black History Month! I love the month of February because our history is the main focus of the month. Right now history is being made all around us. We have our first African American president who will hopefully be going for his second term in office. (MAKE SURE YOU VOTE!!)He has made so many great strides while he has been in office, and I would like to see his efforts to clean up the state our country is in continue. However this is Black HISTORY month. It all started from some where. Our history as a people is what makes us so strong. We come from hard economies and unfair work benefits, senseless violence and being treated as if we were less than human beings. Through the strength and determination, prayer and passion of our ancestors we survived. Decade after decade we survived and made it.

Without the strong leadership of husbands and fathers like Martin Luther King Jr, Malcolm X, George Washington Carver, Granville T. Woods, and Thurgood Marshall there would be no Barack Obama. Without the humble but strong presence of women who stood on the front line behind these men keeping them uplifted in prayer and fighting with them like, Mrs. Coretta Scott King, Harriett Tubman, Madam C.J Walker, Rosa Parks, and Angela Davis, there would be no Michelle Obama. And without the strength and courage of former slaves like Jourdon Anderson, who requested that he be paid back wages for the time that he and his family spent as slaves from his former master; there would be no me. Once he moved and became a free slave his owner wrote to him requesting that he come back to work for him. This was a great example of not only courage but strength because even though he was a free man, black people still had little to no rights. You can read the letter here. http://twentytwowords.com/2012/01/31/a-former-slave-writes-to-his-former-owner-requesting-his-backpay/ I recently was promoted at work, but they didn't want to pay me anymore money. As an employee I felt slighted because I was taking on more responsibility, spending more time working longer hours (away from my children) but I wasn't going to be compensated for it. So because of this letter that was written years before I was even thought of I had the courage to go and ask that I be compensated for my hard work. I stood firm on the fact that I was hard working enough to be given more responsibility and I should be paid as such.

Don't let our history be lost. Our ancestors sacrificed too much for the rights that we have for them to be taken lightly. Its important that we pass these stories to our children and teach them the value and beauty of being an African American.

Want to be Wildly Successful? Make a Decision!!!

 Are you stuck in a rut and can't see your way out?  Are you merely surviving or are you thriving in this game called life?

Trust me, I have been there.  I used to be an attorney who hated what I did for a living.  I wasn't being fulfilled and I knew that I could be doing more with my life.  I longed to live the life I had envisioned as a child but as an adult, I felt like I was slowly sinking in a quicksand of my own making.

I had people tell me I am a dynamic speaker and creative individual but I was too afraid to try and use these skills to make a living.  You see, I suffered from being paralyzed in my own mind.

Then, something happened.  I realized that I was tired of being frustrated with my life.  I was tired of reading stories about successful people and thinking that they must have something special about them that I did not.  Wrong!!!  In an instant, I came to feel like it was my right to be successful but I had to make a decision and stick to it.

Those people you read about are no better than you.  They just stopped making excuses and did what they had to do to make it!!!  Did you just read what I wrote?  They made a decision that every thing they did was towards them being successful.

For example, when I stopped making excuses, I started my own lingerie company that was successful from jump.  Curvy Girlz Lingerie is my baby and I put my all into it.  Not just money, but time and energy too.  Then, I started looking for opportunities to get my name out there.  That led me to blogging on 4 different websites.  I entered and won business plan competitions.  I started networking and joining business clubs.  Oh yeah, I cut the haters out of my life!!!

Wouldn't you know it, when I made the decision that I was going to be on television, it came true.  Get ready, on February 16, 2012, I will be on a major nationwide show giving my elevator pitch and discussing my business.

This all happened within the span of 6 months.  I went from wishing and hoping to doing and achieving.  You can do this too.

Here's how:

1.  Make a decision that you will be wildly successful.


2.  Don't make excuses and take responsibility for all your actions, directly or indirectly.


3.  Make sure all of your thoughts are on abundance and success.


4.  Network, network, network with the people you need to surround yourself with so your dreams can come true.


5.  Eliminate the haters, doubters and losers from your life.  They are negative and will never help you move forward.


6.  Speak success everyday till its a part of your nature.


7.  Keep moving forward.

If you keep these principles daily and get clear about what it is you want to do, in no time, you will be there.  Keep moving forward.  Make a decision to be wildly successful today!!!

Eat Your Way Healthier

In this society the stereotype is that food is the enemy. In most cases yes the constant number 3's plus sized with a diet soda are the enemy. Not just to your waistline and rear end but to your heart as well. If your one of the few people who are still on track to your "New Year, New You" hoopla then this is the part you want to pay attention to. There are certain foods that while they are also good to eat, are actually good for you. They help with vitals things that your doctor keeps tabs on especially once you get to a certain age; like cholesterol, blood pressure and overall heart health. Working in the health care field I explain to patients who are newly diagnosed with any of these conditions; There doesn't have to be a family history of these things. They can just happen and there are steps you can take to prevent them from happening. Since we all need to eat to survive, it makes sense to give you the foods that can help you steer clear of these problems.

1. Oranges- reduce blood pressure cholesterol and heart failure. Its also rich in Vitamin C which is good to help fight the common cold. That's why the doctor always recommends to drink plenty of water and orange juice when your sick. It also has potassium in it which counter balances the salt keeping your blood pressure under control.

2.Garlic- reduces blood pressure and plaque. Garlic cuts down a specific enzyme that constricts the blood vessel. It also comes in a pill form, however researchers recommend eating the food instead.

3. For all you wine lovers. Red Wine- Boosts HDL and reduces unwanted clotting. HDL is the good cholesterol that helps prevent plaque. However this is not a excuse to go on a drinking binge. Key points to remember is more than one glass a day increases the risk of breast cancer, and chronic heavy drinking damages the heart (and liver). Not a wine drinker? Dark beer like Guinness stout has some of the same benefits.

4. Dark Chocolate. Enough said. It doesn't matter what the health benefits are, any chocolate that is good for you is A-OK in my book! But in case you care any way it does reduce blood pressure. There is something called flavanols, its a compound found in some chocolates and it improves blood vessel flexibility. This can be found in dove chocolate.

You can find these foods and more as well as nutritional dishes you can make, in the Feb issue of prevention magazine. http://www.prevention.com/health/

Just do it...NOW!!!

Why is it so hard to make decisions?  We all know when we need to make changes.  I for one am at that a point when decisions and change are not only necessary but required.

Last week, I spoke about Living Outrageously in 2012.  For some, that may have seemed like a fluff piece but I assure you it was not.  In Living Outrageously, its more than just positive thinking, its about making radical decisions.

So what led me to this?  I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.  I was no longer comfortable with making excuses for why I was always complaining.

So here goes my 5 necessary changes for 2012:

1.  Give up the ghost and let the man go.  He wasn't good for me and I knew it but I kept going back hoping he would treat me with the respect I deserved.  I should have been upfront in telling him what I was and was not going to tolerate in our relationship and if he didn't want to act accordingly, BOUNCE!!!  Never look back and never think twice.

2.  It's time to look at friends and family in a new light.  If they are supportive, loving and kind, I will keep them close and lean on them in good and bad times.  If they are using, abusing and mistreating me, I am letting them go and keep moving forward.

3.  I will never accept a dead-end job no matter how much money it pays.  I know that we are in a recession and things are tight but I cannot work at a job that leads me to a place of losing my self-respect.  That means no document review or the like.

4.  Ask for what I want and have the courage to accept the answer that comes my way.  Its time to be a BIG GIRL and ask for any and all that I want without fear.

5.  I am living life on my terms this year and that means accepting the consequences that come with that.  The fact that people don't understand my decisions is of no consequence to me.  A lot of the greats were misunderstood until they made it BIG.  That will be the same with me.

We all know that change is hard but at times, necessary.  I say make a list of the things that you know DEFINITELY need to change and just do it.  Know that change will not always feel good or make you happy in the short run but if you want lasting success, you have to be willing to do what needs to be done.  Keep going and like Nike says, "just do it!!!"  I say NOW is the perfect time!!!

What are your changes you want to make?  Go BIG or Go HOME!!!

Living Outrageously in 2012!!!

Last year, I found myself in transition in all areas of my life.  I had a dead-end job that paid well.  I had friends who did not support me when I needed them the most.  I suffered a broken heart that impacted every decision I made with respect to relationships.  I accidentally burned my hand severely after being stood up on a date on my birthday.

Constantly, I felt like things were out of control.  No matter how hard I worked to improve each area of my life, I felt like I came up short.  There were days I cried myself to sleep at night, afraid of how bad the next day would be.

I prayed continuously and felt that my prayers went unanswered.  What's a BIG GIRL to do in times of transition?

What I started to do was reeavaluate my life and make some changes.  I thought about the dreams I had as a child and wanted to pursue them again.  I confronted friends who deserted me and abandoned me.  I got fired from my job which was one of the best things that happened to me.

So what did I do next?  I met a former law school classmate who encouraged me to create a new television show and produce it.  She reignited a fire in me to see my life on television.  The good, the bad and the ugly.  I created a show and within two months, I pitched it to MTV and BET.  I then spent months retooling it and then went to the Atlanta Pitch Summit, with no money in my bank account, but a dream to make my television show a reality.  I was guided by faith and wouldn't you know it...I met legendary contact who is willing to help me get it on air this year...2012.

I started a lingerie business for full-figured divas.  At Curvy Girlz Lingerie, LLC, we create, design and sell lingerie that celebrates the beauty of a curvy woman.  A month into starting the business, we took first place in the 3rd Annual Harlem Business Alliance Business Plan Competition.  Not to mention, we have been written about in 2 publications and interviewed online by a fashion blogger.

I decided to let go of the men that blew hot and cold, disappeared or treated me badly...I let them go for good.  I was no longer interested in dealing with dubious men that hurt me, abandoned me or made me feel like an option and never first place.

I also decided that it was time to heal my broken heart, so no dating, hooking up or friends with benefits.  That's not how I am rolling in 2012.

What does it mean to live outrageously?  It means following those dreams that you long put to the wayside.  It means attacking life and improving all areas of your life.  It means being courageous in confronting everyone in your life who is not supporting you and then having the courage to move on.  It means knowing that there will be challenges but that you will overcome and all difficult circumstances.  It also means not answering to anyone for the decisions that you make for your OWN life.  It means letting go of convention, the 9-5 lifestyle, and for less than supportive relationships.

You have the ability to change your life, one decision at a time.  2012 is a new year to change your outlook which will change your life. 

Have the courage and determination to live outrageously in 2012!!!

PUSH

  A few months ago I posted the article "Journey To My Goal Weight". The plan was to document my weight loss progress over the coming months, change my eating habits, my mind set, and finally take the necessary steps to get to where I wanted to be. That was the plan. The thing about plans is- they don't always work out the way you plan. Things happened- life continued to happen. I had to pull more hours at work, my car broke down, I got it fixed, it broke down again; kids got sick, I got sick. I got angry, frustrated and resentful. Finally I got sick and tired of being sick and tired. I wasn't eating, I was stressing, the little sleep I got was not restful, I was tired, mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally.

Now I was raised in church. So I know first hand the power of prayer. I also know that the Bible says to train up a child in the way that he should go. That means certain things you are to instill in a child early on , so that it will always stick with them even when they are grown and decide to go their own way. For instance, growing up we had to have manners and respect our elders; saying yes mam and no sir was not an option it was demanded. I still say yes mam and no sir to my elders as do my children. So I began to pray. That's another thing my momma instilled in me. Sometimes you cant go to your parents, your friends or anybody else. Some things you have to take to God. That's when my mind set changed. It wasn't about the planning, it wasn't about trying to keep a schedule. Life was going to happen, things that I didn't plan for where going to happen. I had to figure out a way to work around those things to get where I wanted to be. I had to see my obstacles as opportunities to succeed in spite of what my situation looked like. It wasn't just an opportunity for me to succeed though; it's an opportunity for God to show up and show me that he hasn't forgotten me and he is still working on my behalf, even when I feel alone.

Not to get too preachy, but this is how I formed a new outlook. I decided to stop making plans, resolutions or what ever you want to call it. I decided to just do it. I had to take the advice that I had given all of my friends. I had to make a choice and start working towards making it happen, regardless of everything else that said I should quit. The last Friday in December someone stole the catalytic converter off my car while I was at work. I was upset, but there was nothing I could do. I chose to see the blessing; I had a job to be able to pay to fix it. I came home with my kids, got in a workout we ate dinner watched a movie and that was that. We spent the weekend playing video games, watching movies, reading stories, spending quality family time. At least we still had a home and food on our table. I work out Monday through Friday in spite of what my situation is and in spite of how I feel. I know if I push through now, I will reap the rewards later. I do it because I decided to let go and let God. I have lost 7 lbs in 2 weeks. As the inches melt away its motivation to keep going. Our circumstances don't change the fact that God is still God; and even when you don't feel him near he is there. Life is going to happen. How you choose to deal with it will determine a lot. I choose to P.U.S.H- pray until something happens. Whether that something is a new mind set, a burden being lifted, or a door being opened, keep pushing.

Time To See Yourself in a Brand New Light...

Hey Big Girl!!!  It's 2012, all eyes are on you now!!!

I know a lot of people make resolutions but I am not one of them.  My goal, this year, is to make sure I treat myself with the utmost respect.

What does that mean?

That means nor berating myself if I don't lose weight.  If I gain weight, its not the end of the world for I am not defined by weight alone.

I will love every part of myself for I am unique.  It's my uniqueness that captivates people and draws them to me.  People love me for who I am  and how I make them feel with me.  So in the end, loving myself helps me and others too.

In my relationships, I will reevaluate every one to see if they are worthy of my time and attention.  As far as men, if there are red flags, its time to disengage.  If I am being treated as an option, being mistreated and abused, I will vote with my feet and leave.  If I have friendships that are not supportive, I will take them off life support and move on.  You are worthy of people who treat you with honor, respect and fidelity.  Never look back and never think twice.

As far as my career, its time to take things to the next level.  No more settling for mediocre and just enough.  I want to make my mark this year.  That means getting my televisions shows on air, writing for a sitcom and getting back into motivational speaking.  I am talented at each of these and will not rest until they are all achieved.

In fact, everyday, I am going to get out of my comfort zone and do something a little bit outrageous for that is the best way to live life...

BIG Girls, it time to see yourself in a brand new light.  Its time to go after those dreams you though would never happen in this lifetime.  You are closer than you will ever know.  Its time to go after the things you are passionate about.  Its time to get rich or die trying!!!  Treat yourself right, accept nothing less than the respect, love, admiration and support that you deserve.  This is your time to shine!!!  Claim it in 2012!!!

Go you!!!

SMILE :)

Now a days it's hard enough to keep yourself encouraged. There is so much that we can be down about at this point in the world. The economy is down, unemployment is at a high, (again) we are still losing our children and families to senseless violence. Its hard out here for everyone. We also have so much to be thankful for. The fact that your alive and reading this is a blessing in itself. If you can take a breath on your own, walk around on two legs with two arms-even if you ain't got all ten fingers and toes- its still a blessing. Knowing that it can be hard to keep yourself motivated, it can be harder to motivate someone else.
I know a few people who are just down. Not necessarily in life as far as finances and such, but their spirits about one thing or another, are just down. So for this holiday season instead of thinking about what you can spend on a gift, why not give something that doesn't cost anything. Smile. Give someone a hug. Tell them its gonna be OK.

I know sometimes it can be a little inconvenient to go out of your way for someone else, but these little gestures can go a long way in lifting someones spirit. Not to mention, you would be surprised at how making someone else smile, can make you feel better as well. Be the change you want to see in the world.  You never know what someone else is going through and how much little things can help.

So with that being said, SMILE its a beautiful thing.

Here's Looking at You, BIG Girl!!!

People often ask me where I get my confidence from.  After all, how is it that a size 22 BIG Girl can be so bold, brash and in your face?

I started thinking about it and realized that although we live in a society that treasures youth and thinness, it is up to me to love myself.  I must pamper myself and treat myself right.

As a black women, I am never going to be right. I am going to be dismissed as loud, obnoxious, overly-educated and hardcore.  In saying this, I know that when others disrespect me, ridicule my weight, or try to act as if I do not exist, it is up to me to show them what a BIG Girl can do. 

I tell myself everyday that I am beautiful, engaging, intoxicating, daring, fierce and fabulous.  I tell myself that I am Precious and will accept nothing less than to be treated as such...my inner confidence is not a front but a true belief in who and what I am.  This also has an effect on how others treat me.

So when I see a BIG Girl mistreating herself, I am usually right behind her, letting her know how great she is and her impact on the world.

As BIG Girls, we need to embrace who were are and what we contribute to the world.  Also, its more of us than it is of the skinny girls so we need to own our power.  We need to own our spaces.  We need to embrace the curves that GOD gave us and stop complaining about our weight.

Here's looking at you girl for all eyes are on you!!!  Since you know that, keep your eyes on the prize.

You are worthy of love, honor and respect.

You are the most beautiful creation GOD has ever created.  Remember, HE makes no mistakes...

Men love you.  Women love you and children do too.

Own your power.  Respect yourself.  Love who you are and be at peace with yourself.

All eyes on you...You ready for your close-up?

Just Say No- To Resolutions

We all do it, every year we make a list of new years resolutions. Most of us start strong, but by Martin Luther King Jr. day, we are back to where we were the previous year. It's almost always the same thing every year too: I'm going to lose weight, I'm going to manage my money better, I'm going to climb the corporate ladder at work, blah blah blah. Its old. Stop making the same list.The fact that the same resolutions keep re-appearing means your not making progress. The problem with these resolutions is we put so much pressure on ourselves to do these things, then when we don't, we get mad. The reality is we have no one to blame but us. Life happens, things that we can't control happens and throws a monkey wrench in our well thought out lists of resolutions.

I'm not making any more new years resolutions. Rather, I am just adapting a new outlook to my life. Its quite simple- Just Do It! Yes the Nike concept. Its so easy a cave man really can do it. JUST DO IT!! The more energy we put into planning and thinking it through the easier it is to find reasons not to do it, or put it on the back burner. It consumes so much of your mental time that when you go to put the physical work in, your already tired. No matter what it is you want to do, just get up and do it. Making a list-while it can be helpful- really only restricts you and puts you on a deadline. It makes you feel obligated, versus you doing it because you want to. Anything that you want to do and your serious about, you will invest the time and effort to get it done. Just remember that things happen. Someone might get sick, you might get sick, the car may break down. If you don't box your self into a list and just do the things you want, you wont feel so over whelmed when life happens. If I put myself on a schedule to work out everyday, it will mentally drain me trying to plan my day around finding time to do this. If I just do the best I can everyday, who cares if I only get a 30 minute workout in one day because I had to work late. I can always make up for it another day when I have more time.

So if your still one of those people who need a list. Take a sheet of paper and write "Just Do It" on it, stick it on your fridge and get to doing it already!

Taking a Great Big Bite Out of Life...

As a full-figured diva, it never ceases to amaze me how uncomfortable people are with other people's weight!!!

I used to be a size 10 and never once did I think about what it must be like for women who are considered plus-size or full-figured.  The fact that I can no longer just go to find intimate apparel that is sexy and stylish in my size is mind boggling.  The fact that I am now a size 22, I am more aware of how little society seems to care about full-figured women.  There are times when I feel like my confidence and strength throw people off.  It seems as if they cannot understand why I am not off berating myself for getting bigger.  Or that I am not secretly hoping for a magic pill to make me smaller.

I admit, when I realized that I had gained a lot of weight, it threw me for a loop.  I thought that no man would give me the time of day and even if they did, they would definitely not be the type of men I would want to be with.

It took me some time to not beat up on myself for my weight gain because that did not help me lose the weight.  What got me through the dark times is that I never became a wallflower, was never shy and always wanted to be the center of attention no matter what.  My desire to still be relevant and matter made me see myself in a new light.

Do you know how good I feel knowing that I love the skin I am in?  The fact that I know that my worth has nothing to do with my weight.  I see myself as a beautiful, strong black woman who values myself.

I have never been content to be that the fat, funny friend who can't get a man.  Far from it.  I am front and center in my own life.  In fact, I channel my inner Beyonce and enter all sitautions with confidence.

I am a diva.  I know that I am beautiful and it is joy when I see other full-figured divas recognizing their own worth.

Yes, we live in a society that places a premium on youth and thinness.  As a black woman, I am never going to be right or standard so I embrace all that I am.

As a full-figured diva, I look up to Queen Latifah, Jill Scott, Monique.  Seeing their success lets me know that I can do whatever I set my mind to do.

Big Girls matter.  We are changing and redefining how society sees us.  So world, step aside and let me show you how a Big Girl in the City lives life on her terms!!!  You with me?

Breaking the Glass Ceiling

As a bigger girl I had always had to prove myself. As many of us know when you look a certain way whether its being a big girl, being a certain race, being too short; what ever; people look at certain other people and put them in a box. Being a girl who developed breasts and hips at a young age, older women said I was going to be fast and have a bunch of kids with different fathers. I proved them wrong. I have two children by the same man, we were together for six years. As a teenager I had petite mal seizures in high school. I missed a lot of school because of doctors appointments and migraine headaches that still bother me to this day. I needed a tutor to help me get caught back up with my work so I could graduate with my class. People thought I was dumb or slow. I proved them wrong. Not only did I graduate with my class, I was the only one in my class to graduate with an Associate Degree before I had my high school diploma. When I had my daughter I had gained 60 pounds. Between work, school, being a new mom and all the other stresses in my life the weight stuck and more came on when I had my son. People thought I was lazy and did nothing all day. Again I proved them wrong. I have a career that I love, I have worked since my sophomore year of high school. I provide for my children and I work hard every day to give them a better future.

Not only as women but as plus size women we have to work even harder to prove that we can literally carry our weight in this world. There are a lot of jobs that "nicely" discriminate against us. I'm sure just about all of us have delt with it, and I have seen it in action. On the phone one of my former employers was very impressed with a woman that was applying for a position at our office. She seemed nice, had all the credentials and then some. Once they met her in person and saw that she was a bigger girl, they were no longer interested. They were selling a certain image for the office and wanted everyone there to be attractable to potential patients. They hired a girl who was petite and cute to look at, but under qualified and almost got the practice sued.

I know it doesn't seem that way but this recession might have been a blessing in disguise. it forced a lot of employers to look at who was strong enough and qualified enough to help their business survive these hard times, no matter what they looked like. I have seen more bigger people men and women alike behind counters, and in offices than I ever had before. Just because we are plus size doesn't mean we cant make strides in corporate America. Don't let the barriers everyone else has created keep you trapped. If we all push against the glass, we are big enough to break it.

What it Means to be a Big Girl in the City...

It Means…

Being fierce, fabulous and bold in all that you do.

Never apologizing for your weight.

Grabbing life by the balls and never letting go.

Being loving, kind, caring and gentle with yourself.

Believing in your strengths and abilities.

Giving other women the courage to be themselves and love 

life at their size!!!

Being real with yourself and knowing that you are enough 

at all times.

Welcome to the Big Girl in the City Blog!!!

As a big girl in the city, it is my pleasure to introduce you to me and my world.  I am a 32 year old attorney, entrepreneur and television producer.  I have lived in New York City for almost 4 years and it keeps getting better.

I wasn’t always a big girl.  I used to be skinny and never once thought I would ever be full-figured.  As a result of some life challenges, I am now bigger and better.

One thing that surprises people about me is that I have no problem getting a man.  My skinny friends just don’t understand how that is possible seeing as I am not thin.  I embrace my curves, have a great personality and enter with confidence.

This is not to say that I don’t have bad days or that life is easy at my size.  One thing that is certain is that I truly love me.

This is who I am.  Join me on my journey.  Let’s take the first step together.  Enter the world of a big girl in the city.  Precious.