Tuesday, July 26, 2011

The Desperate vs The Confident Woman: One Size Fits All

There are a lot of people that have the misconception that all plus size women are sitting at home desperately waiting for a man. For everyone that believes that- kick rocks in a live land mine field with open toed shoes on. This has nothing to do with full figured versus petite women. This has been a long standing misconception of women period. Don't get me wrong, there are women out there (big and little) who are so consumed with wanting a man to complete their life, that they do come across as being miserable. I know a woman, who used to be almost 300 lbs. over the course of 2 years she lost half of it. When she was larger she was too big for the men she wanted. Now at a slimmer 160 lbs, she was told she didn't have enough meat on her bones for the men she wants. She has it all- an up to date 2011 car, nice apartment, 2 jobs, no children- yet she still cant find a man; and because of it she is often feels lonely and sad. While this might be the make up of a lot of women, for the majority of women this is far from the case.

Now days its all about the independent woman. She is educated, employed and most times taking care of her home and children by herself. (which is a full time job in itself) For instance, I am 26 years old. I have two children (yes they have the same father) I have two Associate degrees. I have a career in health care, I am buying my first home, and I am single by choice not because I am miserable and cant find a man. I grew up with a mother who worked as many jobs as she had to, in order to support me and my siblings; yet she was a very active presence in our lives. There are women of all sizes, shapes and backgrounds who would love to be able to come home to the embrace of a strong, loving handsome husband every night. (notice I said husband, not boyfriend, or baby daddy. I'm not knocking those titles, but when you expect better you get better, reach for the top baby!) However, if your cut from the same cloth as me and so many other strong women, you wont settle for less than what you deserve just to have someone laying next to you. I remember watching a interview that comedian, talk show host, and Oscar winner Monique did (before she lost all the weight) and she said "Don't get it twisted baby, I have had the moguls, the rappers, the basketball and football players" For me that was a profound diva moment I got hype as hell off that! Its not about the size clothes you wear, its not about how much money you have. You have to have the confidence in yourself first and know your worth. You need to be so confident that you can make hair rollers and pajamas look sexy with just a little lipstick and mascara. *OK let me take that last one back, because I have seen the trend of women walking around in their pajama pants and there ain't nothing cute about it, put some damn clothes on!* (y'all get my point though)

There are so many women who, while they might not be sitting at home waiting for a man, they are still desperate. Those are the ones that are in the club as soon as the doors open, in the highest heels, shortest skirts and smallest tops. They also have their nose stuck in the air, turning down the average Joe Smiths, and searching for the most expensive looking man in the club. They are also the ones that jeopardize the mental and emotional well being of themselves and their children just to have a man around the house, even when he isn't acting right. Bottom line- a desperate woman is a desperate woman. The only specific mold she fits is the fact that she doesn't believe in herself enough to stand in her own light and shine. I'm not saying we don't need men. I love and I mean LOVE men, I am not against lesbians, gays or anyone else but I love men, and you cant say or do anything to change my mind. They are the protectors and foundation of our existence. They are the best thing since sliced bread in my book, (even when they getting on my last good nerve) but they are still just a man, they are flawed and human just like we are.

So for all the women that are unhappily waiting for love. Find something to do that will occupy your time. Pick up a hobby, work on you, make sure that when you meet Mr. Right your ready for him. Just sitting around waiting for a man is like watching paint dry. It wont get the job done any faster, its just time wasted if your not doing anything constructive during that process. Here is another idea, lets come together as women and help uplift the next woman instead of tearing each other down with these stereotypes and preconceived notions. Lets listen to each other and most importantly pray for each other. Don't listen so you can have some juicy gossip to go and tell, listen because you care. You never know when one persons trial and tribulation could be turned into a testimony to help someone else, but it starts with you. I know Drake has made it popular to be "on one" but staying on one is what keeps you lonely, as in without a man and no friends. As my favorite cross dressing queen Ru Paul would say "If you cant love yourself how in the hell you gone love somebody else? Can I get an amen up in here!"


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