I have always been a bigger girl. As with most of us plus size women, I wasn't over weight at first. I just had a lot of junk in my trunk and under my hood. Standing at 5'3 (OK fine 5'1 geeze) I wore at 42DDD bra my freshman year of high school. Going back a little further I never wore a training bra. I went straight into a B cup in 3rd grade and was a DD by 6th grade. Even though my natural waistline is small, the hips and booty below it is anything but small. So by all standards of the word, I was (and still am) a full figured plus size girl. I had a breast reduction my sophomore year and after two children I am a 42D cup. My waist is 38 inches but my hips are 52 inches. I wear my weight very well. When I tell people that I am well over 200lbs they are surprised. My goal is to get down to 150 to 160. when I think back to when I was happiest with my weight it was then. Even though I was a lot younger and most of my classmates weren't even 100lbs soaking wet yet, I was comfortable. That was before the pressure of older women judging me started. That was before I was seen as "fast" because older men were looking at me. At the time I had no idea what it meant to seduce a man, or what it meant to be hot in the ass. (I didn't lose my virginity until almost the end of my senior year of high school for crying out loud) That didn't stop the comments, the judgement or the 'advice' from other women. It also didn't stop the everlasting effects all that had on my self esteem. I began to withdraw from sports that I loved such as basketball, cheer leading and track. I constantly felt the need to cover myself up. We had some of the hottest summers during those years and I would be the only one in jeans and 3-4 shirts under a jacket. Anything to try and cover my breasts, hips and butts, so no one would notice me, because I had been told that I was too fast even though I had done nothing wrong.
I realize that I will never be a size two. I cant even remember a time that I was a size two. I don't want to be that small. I want to be between a size 8-12 some where in that range. I was happy there. Even though I feel beautiful and I have learned to accept myself in the 16-20 size range, I'm not 100% happy. After leaving my children's father 2 years ago, after 6 long years of up and down weight and some of the happiest and saddest times of my life; I'm finally doing what I want to do. I am fulfilling my dreams from everything to writing, to getting my weight and health in order. Its easy to let your dreams and health fall to the side when your trying to be everything for someone else. Being single now has helped me to put myself and my happiness first. Its been a long road but i intend to enjoy all of it.
I have a exercise and diet plan in the works. I am keeping close honest monitoring of my progress and failures. I want to share my journey with all of you in hopes that someone else will be inspired to either join in or follow their own dreams. I wont reveal my starting or ending weight until the end. I plan to document once a month my diet and exercise regimen and how many pounds and inches I have either lost or gained. I will post before and after pics and some tips that do or don't work for me. So stay tuned and feel free to comment and you can share your stories as well.
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