I never sought love or attention from men because I have always had an incredible father. Telling me that he loved me was never enough; he showed his dedication through his actions. I never had to ask for an ice cream sundae from the Mr. Softee truck. He would give me $2 as soon as he heard the music approaching. Each morning as he drove me to school, I knew that he would rather sing along with David Ruffin, Eddie Kendricks, and the crew – but instead, he listened attentively as I read a chapter from the Nancy Drew novel that I was engrossed in. He was the consummate father and I knew that I was his princess.
Wearing that precious crown meant much more to me as I began to fluctuate from size 16s to size 22s, XLs to 3Xs. Even though I wasn’t feeling beautiful when I glanced at my reflection in the mirror, he still told me that I was his princess – no matter how much weight I gained. A wide waist and jiggling thighs never stopped my father from being the first man in my life to love me.
All full figured women have not been as fortunate as I am. Some had fathers who weren’t active in their lives; other curvy babes had men who belittled them, lowering their self-esteem and giving them another reason to resent the stretch marks in the mirror. A lack of acceptance has haunted some full figured chicks from childhood, causing them to seek acceptance and love from men who are more concerned with what is between their legs than how to assist them with healing emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.
But, it is unfair to expect a man to love and accept you when you have started doing those things within yourself.
Self-esteem must come from – well – self, but having validation from those who are supposed to provide it has never hurt the crusade. I understand how difficult it is to battle against the “thin ideal” which tells us that our imperfect bodies aren’t appealing while also fighting that inner voice that is telling you that you don’t deserve what was earned from birth – the right to love, be loved, and know love.
Well, no more! You deserve love. Tomorrow, wake up, stand in front of the mirror and tell yourself that you are worthy of giving and receiving love. Incorporate that into a daily routine that includes positive self talk. No princess can be crowned without her permission.