Sunday, October 23, 2011

Falling For Your Type

We all have our types. I for one love tall men. Being that I am 5 foot 3 (OK 1)-ish, I love a man that can make me feel safe. I like football players and I love tattoos. I'm a big girl but I like to be picked up flipped and tossed around. Now a good looking man is a good looking man. I go just as crazy for the tall dark and sexy Idris Elba (good gawd!...umm by a show of hands who saw the scene in Takers where he got out the bed in just his under wear?? I rewinded it like 20 times myself.) as I do for the ultimate definition of sexy (in my opinion) Dwayne Johnson aka The Rock (pause and let the shirtless mental image sink in or scroll down the page..yeah go change draws..dont worry I'll wait) I will be the first to admit that Justin Timberlake can get the business every day three times a day! I love men in all shapes sizes and colors. However my "type" that gets me in trouble every single time...are the light skin ones. The ones I know as soon as I see em, I should not get involved with, I should walk away or better yet run away and not look back. However, time after time I find myself falling for them. They are usually very charismatic, all the girls and guys are drawn to them. They know how to work a room but can be OK alone. They have a great sense of humor and are smooth talkers. Now add to that a pair of full kissable lips, a beautiful set of bedroom eyes, no smaller than a size 10 shoe and a height of 6'0 or taller and I'm sold like a big mac for 35 cents!

Now, not every body's type is my type. My cousin and best friend prefers the real bad boys. The dope boys. She loves the Jim Jones' and Nas' of the world. Baggy Jeans, ball caps and tennis shoes make her weak in the knees. My sister likes the pretty boys, the Ushers' and P. Diddys'. They can be hard but are mostly eye candy. We all know what we like just like we all know what we don't like. As I said before my type that I always fall for, usually almost always get me in trouble. When I fell for the father of my two children I fell hard. Chile, when I tell you I was so head over heels; you would have thought I was an Olympic swimmer the way I dove head first into that relationship! Since him, I have fallen for some one else that fits the same mold of what my type is. Again, I should have walked away, but in my mind I told myself I can handle it. So now I am trying to break that bad habit of falling for my type over and over again. One of our biggest complaints as women is that there are not enough good man available. It seems all the attractive good men are either taken or gay, and we are stuck with the Flava Flavs' of the world and the Bobby Browns. And while they may be good men on the inside, some people I just cant see my self faithfully waking up to every morning for the rest of my life, unless I'm going to sleep and waking up drunk just to make them look better. I don't know anybody who wants to walk around in such an inebriated state every day just for the sake of having someone there.

I recently decided to take a different approach to dating, because I'm not a club person at all. Most of the guys at church are married or paired up and I don't see a lot of good guys at work, even if I did; I work at a doctors office so I already know about your sexual and social history. Mr right was not going to come to my door. (even though it would be nice) So I decided to try online dating. I subscribed to a web site telling myself that I would give it one month and if I didn't find anyone I would be done with it. First let me say again that I love all men, no matter the shape size or color. I am just as open to dating a White, Mexican or Indian man as I am to dating a brother. Love doesn't have a color. I went into this thinking that I would step outside my comfort zone and give the, "good guys who always finish last" a chance. Right away I was bombarded with emails and winks from guys, who normally, I would not have given a second look too, had I just passed them on the street. Now while I didn't go far in conversations with all of them or return every wink, a few guys, I saw something in them that I might be able to find like able, so I gave them my number. Here is the lesson that I learned: if a man is not your type he is not your type. Every guy is not going to be attractive to you just like your  not going to be attracted to every guy and that's OK. Its not that your judging them or looking down on them, but every person is not intended for you to sleep with or date. Some of the guys that I met and friended off this sight are very nice guys but we can never be more than friends. One of them I cant even be friends with, he just had too much drama going on. (he was still legally married, as soon as he moved out from his wife a month later he was in a relationship with someone else for a year. Not even a month after that ended he was on the site looking for love. That has dependency issues written all over it) Even though the plan was to go outside my comfort zone, the majority of these men I was just not attracted too. Even the one that I went on a date with. He had a lot going for himself. Full time dad to two children, he was in the military (which is commendable) but I could not see myself proudly being on his arm at a family function, or having his child. I could not imagine waking up to him and going "I love this man he is so sexy to me I'm so lucky" for the next 50+ years. I would have been settling for all the wrong reasons. I cant do that to me or him. I think we could be great friends but I don't see it going any further than that. I know that we are supposed to think that looks aren't everything and they are not because people change. Looks and personalities change, and someone can physically look awesome, but have such a stank nasty attitude it makes them ugly. However; with that being said, I would still like for my future husband to be someone I am proud to stand next too, and be seen with. Not every guy I have dated is my "type". There have been a few where people were like "what do you see in him?" They had something else going for them that kept me interested and made them attractive in my eyes. 

With all this being said, there are more than just appearances that go into types. I like men who are confident and funny. Some women like men who are more aggressive. If your type is putting you in un healthy situations, physically or emotionally that is not OK.If they put you or you family in harms way or threaten your well being it is not cute or attractive and no amount of 'Im sorry, I wont do it no more" will make this better. You need to get away and seek help and most importantly don't go back. If your type leaves you broke, heart broken and emotionally feeling used then maybe you need to adjust the things and people you find attractive. Ultimately I want to find that one who just gets me, who loves me like I love them and even after 50 years I will still love waking up to them and couldn't imagine taking my journey with anyone else by my side. I don't think that's asking too much. Right??


  1. Oh girl -we need to talk ;-) -Michaela

  2. Cassandra, if you like Idris Elba (& who wouldn't!):
    Netflix (in Canada, anyway) has Season 1 of his BBC series "Luther".

    I enjoyed reading this article & very much enjoyed your Sunday, Nov 6th article "Big Girls Rock".

  3. Thank you so much. Thanks for letting me know I have heard a lot about that series and I want to check it out. He is absolutely beautiful :)

  4. Love this! only one I didn't agree with is Jay-z for some reason I have never been able to see him as attractive. I've tried...but just can't...


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