Saturday, November 26, 2011

Never Settle For Less Than You Deserve

I recently heard a conversation between two friends in the bathroom of all places. Usually I don't make it my business to get into other peoples business. In most cases I'm not that bold because I don't know the situation, I only know what I have heard in that moment and there is most likely more to the story. In this instance I had to make an exception. There were two ladies one was plus size the other was not. Both were very pretty. The curvy girl was telling her friend that they guy she has set her up on a date with was not her type and she just wasn't interested. Her friend kept insisting that she give him a try and get to know him more she might like him and so on. The curvy girl said no, I'm not interested in getting to know him, I can feel it I'm not attracted to him, he does nothing for me I just don't want to. Her friend was clearly getting upset, and she said to her. "This is why you haven't had a man in all these years, your not getting any younger, your not trying to lose any weight, you cant afford to be picky!" She immediately went on to say how she wasn't trying to hurt her friend she was just keeping it real and giving her tough love. She thought that her friend was still holding out for her ex, and that's why she wouldn't give other men a chance. Now like I said I usually don't get in other peoples business, but I felt I had to say something. So I said " Actually she can afford to be picky. She is a very beautiful woman, and if she is not into somebody she is not into them. She shouldn't have to force feelings for somebody and settle just because she has been alone for a while. That's not fair to her. That just means God is still getting her ready for the person she is supposes to be with and if that means its her ex so be it. How do you know God isn't repairing and restoring both of them to make it right this time?" I then looked at my fellow curvy girl and I said "baby you don't have to lose any weight unless you want to you are beautiful as you are, and don't let anybody ever tell you other wise." Her friend gave me all kinds of side eye, on my way out, and I gave her all kinds of -I wish you would- on my way out. It actually angered me to hear her tell this woman that because she didn't want to lose weight she had to basically settle for something she knew she didn't want.

That's a big stereotype against full figured women is that we have to settle for the men that are left because we don't have a right to the socially attractive men.  First off looks are not everything. Some of these men, yes, are physically attractive, but their inner ugliness is so transparent we wouldn't want them anyway. Secondly, don't get it twisted boo boo, those same men want us.  I used to think that way when I was younger, but trust me I grew out of that quickly. In my post "Fall for Your Type" I talked about the ones that always get me in trouble. One in particular being the light skin pretty eyes type. One of my good friends is that guy. We have been friends for many years, and I think its mainly because we just click with each other and our fall back no matter what happens as a means to stay in each others lives is our friendship. A lot of people think physically he is out of my league. (Think Michael Ealy with green eyes) He is absolutely gorgeous. He makes my heart race and cheeks flush red just by walking into a room. He is trouble in every sense of the word and can have any woman he wants. But we are still really good friends first, at any given moment either one of us could lose a limb, or be struck with a fatal illness and that would never change. That's just mutual feelings, respect and understanding of another person it has nothing to do with what either of us look like.  We get each other, we accept each other and we appreciate each other.

No matter what you look like, you know how you feel about someone else. You know if you feel something whether its lust or love,and you know if you feel nothing towards another person.  Don't ever let anybody tell you what you deserve, or what you cant have. Any friend who would encourage you to settle for less than what you want or deserve is not a true friend. God intends for you to have the best, never settle for less than that.


  1. Hi sweetheart, I couldnt agree with you more. Self worth with chutzpah (and in my case, serious curves)is what I devote my blogging to. I found your blog via weeshas, and will keep on reading you! Much love, Anika

  2. Thank You Anika for stopping by! Self love is so important and we strongly encourage that here! I will definitely be stopping by your blog and becoming a regular!

    Je Tuan Lavyonne

  3. Thank you I will check it out too! If you dont love yourself you cant really love anybody else its starts with you!

  4. Thank you for such a wonderful post! I know exactly how that young woman feels. Sometimes my friends tell me I have to just accept and go with whats out there instead of what I want. I'm a thicker woman as well, and I do feel that people do pigeonhole thicker woman into a category of being desperate enough to just be happy with someone giving them attention period. I do get my fair shares of stares, but I'm not gonna pursue something unless they move me, I am not one to force something and I'll be damn if anyone is gonna force anything on me. Thank you again:)


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